Lifeless Thing You Are

Gosh... What is everyone doing with their lives?

Everyone needs a life and I am glad with mine. Nevertheless, some people are missing theirs or gradually losing theirs. Hey, who identifies what and what determines what? It is just the life you want to live and why wanna care about those of others?

I thought I should be doing more than what I am doing. At least not giving in to my impulses TOO MUCH. Is there even such a thing as that? Where is the standard and when it is deemed relevant?

I practically have a model for everything. Often times when they fail me, I am literally broken into pieces. I move on fast but at the point when things happen, I can hardly stand firm.

For the first time in my life, I exert full force into it. We were much more than what I thought we would be. The next moment we are at the other extreme end. I no longer bother whether there's a turning point. For a few times after the disclosure, I thought that it would make sense if I were to initiate and clarify everything once and for all... I learnt that I am wrong after today. Nothing will ever change anything anymore.

I may be burying all the emotions but I thought I rather bury them than to reveal it as if I am naked and you respond saying that I am ugly not wearing anything...

Making things hostile is never my idea. Whether or not you think it is my fault, you should understand that people live by rules and regulations. When it is explicitly stated in front of you, act-dunno is the last thing you want to do. It is very wrong to give it very little or no regards while everyone else in the same boat are observing you.

I do not mind not being a significant person in your life as I thought I never am. In fact, I thought I was the last person you would want to talk to. Not that I care anymore. I used to care about it so much that thinking about it makes me sad. It turns into irritation and hatred. I try to be forgiving then. It did not work well apparently. I also tried to be humble and it turned out bad when the responses were not desirable. We are different from each other and at the same time, very much identical to each other. However it may be, this has to end somehow. Be it good or bad.

Good luck to you.